You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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