1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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