Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
