OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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