This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was like eating out sand paper
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
