I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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