so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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