I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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