I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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