He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
