I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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