my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
