Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
