I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
