It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
