I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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