Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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