one might say we're banned from that church
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The adults are the big ones right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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