Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
