She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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