i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
