He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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