I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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