When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
