if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
