So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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