A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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