Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
