This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
