I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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