I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
