Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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