What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
