I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
