I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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