OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
