I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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