guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
