dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
