On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was so not down for the gang bang
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
