that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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