think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
