Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
