Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
