it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
