I hate all girls vehemently.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
