i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
