for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
