he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
