FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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