White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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