I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
