All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
