If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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