youre lurking in front of me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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