Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
