i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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