Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
