Is it normal to miss your booty call?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
