Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
