it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
